The steep path of grief

23 01 2012

Bluff Knoll - Stirling Range National Park, Albany. WAustralia.

I wish you were here.  I wish you were here to help me walk this way, I’d be telling you all about this journey.  You’d be leading, making us rest, cheering us on, keeping us going.  I can’t see very far ahead today, the path is steep and uneven, just as I thought it was levelling out.  How did I get here?  I keep stopping, looking back over land that spans a lifetime, the pauses make the climb seem easier for a moment.  I can catch my breath, see where I’ve been and trace my footsteps with certainty.  I look backwards towards the horizon and see some things with a clarity never realised.  Some familiar landmarks look totally insignificant from this viewpoint – funny, I thought they were monumental.  Each step forward is uncertain and tiring but it’s physically impossible to rush.  The ground is unfamiliar and I have no idea how far I have to go until I’m ‘there’.  I have no idea where ‘there‘ is.  I wonder if I’ll recognise it.  I wonder how long it will take.  I wonder where the others are.  I wonder why I bother planning when the only certainty I have in life is this moment – this breath, this minute.  I wonder what I’m doing.  I pause to breathe deeply, sucking in the silence before turning back to the path before going on.  I try not to look to far ahead, just take one step at a time – “When walking, just walk” I hear my Zen-voice say.  I still wish you were here.

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9 responses

24 01 2012
Inger-M

Raw grief and longing, moving alone through unfamiliar ground; so beautifully written!

24 01 2012
Louise

Thank you Inger-Marie 😉

24 01 2012
Debbie

Beautiful writing, and lovely photograph too.

24 01 2012
weavers journaler

The single track, uphill path – I feel the struggle in your words. But also glimpses of hope as you catch your breath and reflect on the view. Powerful writing!

24 01 2012
J Cosmo Newbery

For one terrified moment I thought you were going to do it on a mountain bike!

25 01 2012
Julia Fry

It’s so strange – every time I look at the photo I see strange figures entwined in grief near the foot of the hill. Now I can’t distinguish whether they’re there. But they can’t be. They don’t have bodies. A woman and a man. Can you see them?

25 01 2012
Chris Alice Donner

What beautiful writing. Many hugs to both of you.

25 01 2012
Louise

Thanks Chris, and you two too.

25 01 2012
Chris Alice Donner

Reblogged this on Chris Donner, Mystery Writer and commented:
Some beautiful writings on grief, and some of my favorite Small Stones writings. Please take a moment to visit this sensitive, heartfelt blog.

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