The experience of grief has been shattering. Grief is sneaky. It sometimes stalks me, creeping up and mugging me in broad daylight as bystanders quickly flee. I can’t explain the depth of the tremor that occurred within me after Beth’s passing. It has surprised me and I still feel broken some three months later. Each remaining piece and part of me is being sifted over, the rubble examined for things to salvage. New things are emerging – new routines, new relationships, new perceptions, new beliefs, new priorities. What will I keep?
Some parts are important and will be reintegrated into this new life. It will take time. In a way it will remain an unfinished work unless I decide to stop growing or changing before I die.
The mosaic is a great image for this time and process. After the objects have been broken and the pieces are carefully selected to make up a new picture in mosaic form, a new creation slowly emerges which could be quite different, more colourful and intricate than before.
The mosaic tiles are set in place carefully and held together with grout, rubbed into each joint and sponged off. I wonder what the grout will be that holds me together, surrounds and secures each part of me. Will it be faith, will it be love, will it be something else entirely? I’m not up to that bit yet, I’m still sifting through the rubble and seeing what pieces are worth keeping and which bits I’ll leave behind. There is a lot to leave behind, life has changed dramatically. Priorities have shifted.
Here are the bits and pieces I’ve found so far that are worth keeping. They may (or may not) resonate with you:
1. Love never dies. It is way more powerful than you think – it is a life force.
2. There is no guarantee you’ll see tomorrow. None. Make today a good day.
3. You are more than your job, your title, your profession. You are a loving soul.
4. Offer kindness – you have no idea what burden a person is quietly carrying.
5. Be thankful for the (seemingly) little things – they’re really the big things.
6. Love knows no rank or boundary or class, neither does pain or grief.
7. Hold ‘the future’ lightly. It doesn’t even exist. Live your life now.
8. You are going to die one day – make a Will and spare others from guessing.
I’m still sifting…